The Xfiles : Call Me Crazy

 Somewhere out there, there is a truth bigger than us all. One that we as human beings cannot possibly fathom. I don't think any of us know what this truth is, or how it came to be. I think thats the beauty of it. Once something is discovered, its innocence is taken. Its beauty fades. Think about it, we all believe in something bigger than ourselves. Perhaps that of a higher power, in whatever shape or form it may take. We are all down here on earth, living our lives, both happy and sad. Some of us think we know the answers, some of us are completely lost. Others may be blind to truth that is standing right in front of them. And maybe theres a reason for that. Maybe they're not supposed to see it. Maybe we are all not supposed to see it. And that brings me to the part where I may be judged. I may be questioned of my sanity, and questioned on the topic of how a TV show changed my outlook on life. Some years ago, I discovered The Xfiles. Thats right. Scully, Mulder, David and Gillian. I was completely enamored. It was never just a TV show to me. It was life. It is life. It was my admiration for two wonderful characters, and two amazing actors. I devoured it. Its twists and turns, its answers and its questions. Besides igniting a childlike fire in me, The Xfiles started to teach me something, and began to give me a hope I had never felt before. Since my illness emerged, I lost my ability to believe. What did I believe? In God? Evolution? The devil for giving me what he did? Or just in the simple fact that I was the offspring of a scientific and genetic disorder, passed down to me by my biological father. I guess I still really don't know. But the very idea that I don't know, maybe thats okay. Maybe I am okay knowing that there is a bigger truth out there that I may never find. The cure for my illness that I may never experience. The reason of why I was given this disease. Maybe I simply don't want to believe in anything anymore. Perhaps we must accept the unknown and appreciate it for what it is. To me, The Xfiles convey that. It conveys the idea of whenever you may think you have figured something out, life takes another turn and knocks you back on your feet. Now call me crazy, but this TV show has helped me to see that. That we are all just waiting for answers, and something bigger than ourselves. But at the same time, while we reside here and do that, we confide in the fact that we will probably never know, and thats okay. Its okay to not know. Its okay that life will take us for just one more ride that we never planned on. Its okay to go through these life experiences, thinking that we know but really we know nothing at all. Because maybe one day, when we have gone through our lives, after all of the searching, and we have reached the end of our days, just maybe, the truth will be revealed to us. Because my friends, it is out there.