Wednesday, January 7, 2015

I will never be silenced.

  The further along with my recovery I come, the more confident I become. Some may say its selfishness. Some may say I'm conceited to display my accomplishments, to post pictures of myself. But let me tell you something, when you have known the greatest pain of all, as soon as you begin to escape its clutches, what else do you have than to be overly proud of yourself? Look at what I just accomplished! I made it through the school of life. I will not be delicate about that. I will flaunt it. I will yell it from the roof tops! When I'm happy, I will take pictures, because I do not take any ounce of that happiness for granted. Because I remember what its like to be in the depths of the deepest darkness. Happiness is an emotion denied to many, and I will never forget the seriousness of that fact. I find that sometimes when I tell people of my diagnosis, and the things that I have had to go through, they don't know what to say. They get uncomfortable. Some even say that I should not be so open with them. Why? This is me! I am not hiding me. I refuse to live a lie. I refuse to put on a face just for the benefit and comfort of others. I refuse to hide my struggles, because my suffering is what makes the beautiful parts of me. The person who has known the greatest suffering, knows of the greatest joy. I may feel more deeply than others. I may be more sensitive than others. I may take longer to recover. I may take things more personally. I may do many things that you don't like. That are unorthodox, or out of the balance of society. But look how much I love, look how much I create, how much I give, how much I appreciate. I am a rare breed, and the world needs me, I need me, my family needs me, one day the love of my life will need me, and my future children will need me. You can not have flowers without the rain first. And the flower must first push through the dirt in order to reach the sun. With each passing day, I am reaching the sun more and more. No stigma, no amount of judgement or ridicule will ever silence me. I am here. This is me. Take me as I am, for all that I am, and leave nothing behind. 
 

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