Surrender

There are no limits as to what you can do with your life. Or at least I have been told. On the contrary others have told me to think realistically and be practical. To which do I listen? And for what reasoning? Every time I see someone succeed, I take a look at my life and the lack of what I am not doing with it, the things that I have not accomplished, and the direction that I feel that I am most definitely not going in. How can I not compare myself to others? How can I not feel bad about myself, when all I see is a life of hospital stays and an endless supply of pills. How do I feel good about that? Sure I've made it through some really tough shit, but a life that could have been so great in so many ways, has been suppressed and held back due to illness. How unfair I feel this to be. How frustrated I am that it has stopped me from being me. From doing the things that I used to think I was capable of doing. Illness has beaten me down, and I feel like I'm starting to surrender, something that I never wanted to do.